Luna was the one who made me realize there was something, someone out there in this universe that needed me, and who I needed in return. She made me realize that I needed help.
I reached out and called someone to help me through a very dark place. He will forever hold a special place in my heart for this exact reason. I didn’t call on someone who has known me for years or shared the same genes as me. I called on someone who was just slightly enough on the outside of my circle, someone I thought I could handle disappointing with my inner dark thoughts and actions I almost took.
The point is, I had the numbers and I dialed them.
I don’t share this story with you to make you feel sorry for me. I don’t share this for pity, sympathy or likes. I share this because if I didn’t, then I wouldn’t be my authentic self. I would not be able to continue facing my inner demons that unfortunately will live with me for the rest of my life.
But here is the most beautiful part. I rewrote the narrative.
I made a choice, a decision that only I could make to put in the work, to fight harder than I’ve ever fought in my entire life.
Through the battle, I fell. I fell a lot. And every time, I picked myself back up. If it wasn’t for Luna, for God, for the person on the other line, for the people that I very intentionally choose to surround myself with, I wouldn’t be here today. I wouldn’t be in love, I wouldn’t have published my first book, I wouldn’t have found genuine love for myself and for the life I have been blessed with. I wouldn’t have managed to see what the view looked like from the top.
I’ve spent the last week looking around at what else there was to explore instead of simply enjoying the view. So now, that is what I’m going to do.
I’m going to take a beat. A moment to breathe, to write, to love, to smile, to laugh, to live.
Because I fought tooth and nail to be able to do every single one of those simplistically beautiful things that life has to offer, and I want nothing more than to be able to continue doing just that for the rest of my life.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have goals. Plenty of goals. I want to see my book on the shelves of bookstores and shops around the country. I want to have a family of my own and eight trillion dogs. I want to travel once I am able to.
But in order for me to get there and make my dreams and goals come to fruition, I have to slow down. I have to acknowledge that there is a lot of dark I could very easily fall back into if I don’t continue caring for myself.
But most importantly, I have to be 100% authentically myself because that has been the most important piece of my recovery puzzle.
My life is meant for only one person: me.
And you can’t bull shit yourself, no matter how hard you try
Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional or any other type of medical professional. I am in recovery for my eating disorder. All of my posts on my website and social media presence are based off of my own personal experiences and opinions. If you are in need of professional help, contact NEDA today. If you or someone you know is suicidal or believe to be so, I strongly encourage you to contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255.