I was sitting with my thoughts in silence, contemplating my life choices and what the actual eff bomb I was even doing. You know, the usual Monday afternoon activities to jumpstart the week.
But the one thing that has fueled every ounce of fear, anxiety, and frustration can be summed up into a single word: Doubt.
I’ve been doubting myself throughout this entire journey of recovery and through writing a book. I’ve doubted my decision making and even my inner most feelings. With doubt came fear, shame, resentment, and debilitating depression.
Self care is one of those things that doesn’t just stop. You don’t get to an end destination and say “Okay, I’m all better. No need to continue reading, writing, praying, meditating, eating well, taking time for myself, or anything else that could benefit me for the long run.” Nope, sure as heck doesn’t work that way.
It’s a daily practice that requires regular patience and attention. The minute I find myself straying away from taking care of myself, the doubt creeps back in followed by the domino effect taking the rest of me down with it.
When the doubt starts creeping in and creates a hollow vessel inside me, I fill it with bravery.
I turn back to the books, podcasts, and speakers who have taught me about vulnerability. I remember that in order to be the most authentic, truest form of myself to live the absolute best and most fulfilling life I can, I have to be brave.
Bravery is scary, but nothing is scarier than living with a constant pit of doubt. I like to play the “worst case scenario” game. When faced with a decision, complex situation, a chance to step outside of my comfort zone, or do something that I deep down believe is right for me, I ask myself what the worst case scenario would be.
9 times out of 10, the worst thing that could happen isn’t as terrible as we believe it will be.
I contemplated this idea when I first shared my story of recovery. What was the worst thing that could possibly happen?
People would pity me and treat me different.
Others would think I’m crying out for attention.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I mean… really? That’s it? The worst case scenario would be I made a post and nothing would come of it. Life would still move on. The people in my life who truly love me would still, in fact, love me. But the world would still revolve. The universe would not implode. COVID would still exist. Life would carry on.
If you want to post that picture, post it. If you want to write that book, write it. If you want to start that band, start it. If you want to end that relationship, end it. If you want to tell them you love them, say it. If you want to climb Everest, climb the shit out of it.
So ask yourself, what is it you are yearning to learn, do, create, change, stop, start?
What would be the absolute worst case scenario?
Then fill your cup with bravery.